Monthly Archives: August 2007

Feel Good Friday: Penis Envy Edition

When this landed in my inbox, I was more than a little confounded. P-mates? What? Why? How?

I don’t know about any of you ladies, but I have never wished that I could use a urinal. They’re dirtier than women’s restrooms, and personally I like the privacy of having my own stall. So thoroughly perplexed was I, that I sought out this little explanatory video.

Wait, I could write my name in the snow? Okay, I am totally on board.

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Miss Teen South Carolina Gets a Redo

By now I am sure you’ve seen poor Lauren Caitlin Upton give the worst pageant interview answer since Cheryl Frasier said her idea of a perfect date was “April 25th”. Yesterday she got a chance to redeem herself on the Today show. Let’s see how well she did, shall we?

Third runner up? Seriously? I guess the interview portion doesn’t really count for much in the final tally. And much as I feel for the girl, I have to say, her “re-do” is still kind of retarded. She and her friends know where America is on a map? Bravo! Well done! Give that girl a crown!

Monday’s News Round-up

Following what has essentially felt like a slow news century, today has brought us so many informative items, I hardly know where to begin. As such, allow me to present a round-up:

Jake Gyllenhaal is gay and pregnant. Only one of those things is surprising.
Alberto Gonzales has resigned. This is not at all surprising.
Owen Wilson attempted suicide/ODed on heroin over the weekend. Maybe he finally looked in a mirror. (Okay, sorry, maybe it’s not okay to make fun of the suicidal. But if it was the drug thing, then I stand by my joke. He’s got a penis on his face, for God’s sake!)
Britney Spears might be a child abuser. Did I say might be? Sorry, I meant “definitely is.”

Feel Good Friday: Bizarre Finnish Covers Edition!

Happy Friday everybody! If the mind-boggling Gregorius can’t tickle your funny bone, then just wait until his kicky, fey backup dancers bust a groove. Kind of makes me want to plan a trip to 1970’s Finland.

A Milestone!

Yes, friends, today I have passed the 100,000 hits mark! Hooray for me! And hooray for you, my loyal readers, without whom I would just be a sad little person sitting in a cubical, typing into the ethosphere, waiting for someone to notice me. Thanks, and see you at one million!

Shock Me Shock Me With that Deviant Behavior!

Is it just me, or does Mena Suvari’s new Neonazi Bootcamp Makeover make her look like the precog from Minority Report?

You be the judge!

Hello Thai Police Force!

Just as you were trying to figure out how to squeeze your pit bull into his new Hello Kitty costume, now comes this report that will make thirteen-year-old Japanese girls everywhere flock to apply to the Thai police force.

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) — Thai policemen who break rules will be forced to wear hot pink armbands featuring “Hello Kitty,” the Japanese icon of cute, as a mark of shame, a senior officer said Monday.
Police officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late — among other misdemeanors — will be forced to stay in the division office and wear the armband all day, said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan. The officers won’t wear the armband in public.
The striking armband features Hello Kitty sitting atop two hearts.
“Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor,” said Pongpat, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok….

Wow, those guys are really twisted. Hello Kitty arm bands? With not one, but two hearts? What do the real criminals get? SpongeBob t-shirts? I heard this girl was caught shoplifting at the Piggly Wiggly.

Oh the humanity!