Monthly Archives: January 2008

They Abuse You Because They Love You

The Lost season premiere is finally here! Last night’s rerun of the season finale totally got me amped for the show tonight, but Jezebel is tired of Lost’s controlling, intimidating ways.

Let’s just say you had an exciting, seductive, thrilling lover who mysteriously and secretively disappeared, leaving you with hundreds of unanswered questions. Eight months later, he’s back. Do you give him an hour of your time? You do if he is a TV show, and if that TV show is Lost. Fans already know the deal: the ABC program is an exercise in exquisite torture, the primetime equivalent of an emotionally abusive relationship. What makes it abusive? Let us count the ways:

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Another Day, Another Commitment

Welp, Britney is back in the hospital — must be Thursday.

Earlier this week, US talk show host Barbara Walters claimed that Spears has been receiving treatment for “mental issues”. She said Spears’ manager Sam Lutfi had told her the singer was suffering from psychiatric problems that are “treatable”. “She has been having mood swings. She’s been having trouble sleeping,” Walters said on her show The View.

I realize it’s difficult to keep track of her facility-hopping ways, so I’ve taken the liberty of creating a handy little flip device. Just as you used to be able to communicate whether your dishes were clean or dirty with the flip of a cow-birthed heart, so too can you know stay abreast of where Britney’s mental anguish has taken her. Soon available in hand-dandy refrigerator magnet form!

Great Moments in YouTubing

Man, those Scientologists have their thetan-hating hands in everything, don’t they? Also, is it just me, or does the official pulldown notice smack of sarcasm and condescension? It’s almost like I work for YouTube.

Ledger Dies, Norbit Nominated for an Oscar

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to taint the impact of Heath Ledger’s death with the juxtaposition of one of the most bizarre Oscar nominations in recent memory. I just wanted to fully express what a bizarre, mind-boggling day this has been. I’m still a bit too shell shocked to write a proper eulogy (for Heath, not for the Oscars, although that demise is surely imminent). I’m always a little shaken when someone who was born in the same year I was dies a tragic death. Suffice it to say that Heath seemed like a good person, and will be missed by fans and cinephiles alike. My sympathies and well wishes go out to his family, Michelle Williams, and little Matilda Rose.

Happier Times:

A Very Zac Efrony Feel Good Friday

As I mentioned in my clandestine (yet wildly popular) blog offshoot “Zac Efron Secretly Loves Me,” Zacy-poo was rushed to the hospital for appendicitis earlier this week. Today’s Feel Good Friday vid is dedicated to that impish man-child that we have all come to adore. Please enjoy the following, and join me in my virtual candlelight vigil for Zac’s continued good health.

A Hearthrob Beats No More

Coming right on the tail of the tragic Zac Efron news of this afternoon, is another blow to Hollywood’s stable of teen idols: Brad Renfro has died of undisclosed causes.

According to the coroner’s office, a Brad Barron Renfro, with the same date of birth as the actor, died today. They have no cause of death yet; the investigation is pending. Renfro was 25 years old.

Renfro had been in frequent trouble with the law in recent years, including a December 2005 arrest in a heroin sting round up on LA’s skid row. Renfro was charged with a felony count of attempting to possess heroin.

Okay, YES he was allegedly a heroin addict, but he was also in every issue of Big Bopper magazine from 1995 until… well, until I stopped reading Big Bopper magazine (I’ve since moved on to Tiger Beat). To me, Brad will always be the irrepressible young man who dated Gaby Hoffman and got arrested for stealing a yacht before Rory Gilmore made it a petulant crime. So although Hollywood Reporter’s Young Star of 1995 has fallen, he will be fondly remembered by thousands of women who were once fangirls like me. RIP Huck Finn.


Brad Renfro Big Bopper

Now (ish)

Brad Renfro mug shot

Not you too, Ashley! is reporting that Ashley Tisdale is sporting a new shnoz. According to Ashley, the work was done to repair a deviated septum, but I don’t know if I’m buying it. She seems to have had it shaved down while they were in there. Check out the pics, and see if she doesn’t look like an entirely different (plasticized) person.

Ashley's Nose Job

I wonder if she paid extra for the sunken-eyed, vacant stare.

Please consider this my official resignation from Team Zashley. Sigh. Now who do I route for? Team Zegan?