Monthly Archives: June 2008

Dimitri the Lover

Let the romance begin!

If Dimitri is indeed one of the few men in the city that has “nothing wrong with him” then I am formally proposing that we wall in Toronto and let the alpha males kill each other off. Olga, if you’re “psychologically normal,” you’ll take this guy’s advice and erase his number.

By the way, this guy Dimitri runs something called “Real Men,” which (as far as I can tell) is some sort of seminar on how to pick up women. I weep for Canadian women everywhere.

Feel Good Friday: Carbo-load edition

Anyone that knows me is aware that I have an active love affair with carbohydrates. If loving bread is wrong, I don’t want to be right. And now, finally, there is someone that shares my love, and indeed takes it to the next level. You can love your bread, just don’t luuuuuv your bread.

Sexy Fail

Speaking of failblog.org (aka “how I spent my entire Thursday afternoon”), this is priceless. Slightly NSFW, but all the important bits are pixelated.

Mmm, tasty!

From the hilarious failblog.org:

Is anyone else really craving a meat pie right now? God that’s good!

Don’t Be Dead, Dude!

The comedian/actor George Carlin has died of heart failure, at the age of 71. Bogus.

Of course, most people remember him for his notorious “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television,” but in my mind he will always be “Rufus,” the kindly future dude who helped two lovable airheads pass history class, thus setting them up to rule the world.

RIP Rufus. Rock in Peace.

I don’t like you in that way either!

The following item appeared on idontlikeyouinthatway.com this morning, ushering in a new era of me not reading that site anymore.

“Sex and the City was a groundbreaking show that ushered in a new era of female empowerment. The characters and he [sic] stars who played them are feminist heroes, who prove that a woman’s merit should not be based on her looks alone. Oh, wait. Scratch that. Page Six reports:

‘Maybe seeing themselves on the big screen was too much to take for “Sex and the City” stars Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis. Apparently, soon after the movie’s release, they both paid a visit to Roosevelt Hospital on 10th Avenue for minor surgeries. “Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed,” said an insider. “They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week.” It could explain why Davis always wears long hems. Nixon, whose rep denied the surgery, could have been disappointed with her topless scene. Davis’ rep had no comment.”‘
Wow, nothing says confident feminist icon like sneaking into a doctor’s office and secretly getting plastic surgery. Granted, all these chicks are hags, so why not Sarah Jessica Parker? The legend says our primitive tools and surgical techniques are no match for her sinister demonry. Run for your life!!”

No, you know what, this is some kind of bullshit. This article was obviously written by a dude who is looking for an excuse to harpoon these “hags”, because why? Chicks would rather sit in a theater and watch them for two hours, instead of reading the misogynist babble he puts on his website? Age old male response: attack what threatens you.

Sex and the City has been hailed as groundbreaking and iconic, but it was really just a TV show that women watched because it was involving and entertaining. And yes, even relatable. Does that mean that the stars of that show are somehow required to be saints of the feminist movement?

Furthermore, why can’t feminists get cosmetic procedures if they want to? Isn’t the whole point of empowerment being able to make those kinds of decisions for oneself, without having to please other people (read: bloggers)? If Kristin Davis wants to get the varicose veins on her legs removed, so be it! Cynthia Nixon wants bigger boobs, more power to her and her lady lover! The whole point of the episode (and possibly the entire series) where Samantha gets her chemical peel is that woman should be empowered to do whatever they feel necessary to make them confident in who they are — be it ending a bad relationship, getting fertility treatments, or even buying a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. Not everyone has to agree with cosmetic surgery, but then again, not everyone has to get plastic surgery. My body, my choice.

Also, just to put things in perspective, these are the women that blogger called “hags”:

Let Me See that Thong… AH! MY EYE!

The Today Show (via The Onion’s AV Club) had a tidbit this morning about a woman who is suing Victoria’s Secret because her thong viciously attacked her. No, I am not kidding.

Macrida Patterson claims that the little stapley thing (technical term) that holds the rhinestone heart in place on her underwear popped off and hit her in the eye, deeply cutting her cornea and causing her extreme pain, continued medical care, and missed work.

Now, some people (including Meredith Vieira, apparently) might think this is a frivolous lawsuit and a shining example of “what’s wrong with our country” (Mere’s words!), but I am actually siding with Macrida on this one. A piece of her innocuous-seeming underwear came flying off and cut her cornea?? Hells yeah, that’s lawsuit time! Too bad it didn’t happen while she was carrying a scalding cup of McDonald’s coffee. She would have been treated at the Hospital for the Ridiculously Wealthy, address Easy Street!

Click below to play the video. The best part is when her lawyer stops Macrida from detailing how many pairs of Victoria Secret underwear she owns, and how often she wears each of them.