All Aboard the Hogwarts Express!

Well folks, I am already planning my vacation for late 2009. You might think it’s a tad early, but that might be because you haven’t seen the following press release:

Universal Studios is opening up a Harry Potter theme park in Florida complete with the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the Forbidden Forest and Hogsmeade village. “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter,” will open in late 2009 in Orlando, officials said Thursday.
“The plans I’ve seen look incredibly exciting, and I don’t think fans of the books or films will be disappointed,” said author J.K. Rowling, who has been working with a creative team to make sure the park resembles the books and films.
…
The Potter park will allow visitors to view the iconic locations in Rowling’s magical world, like Dumbledore’s office in Hogwarts and the shops in Hogsmeade….

Is it wrong for an adult to be so excited by this? I am already buying my ticket on the Hogwarts Express, which hopefully will be delivered by a white owl, dropping the envelope through my chimney. Well, I don’t have a chimney, but hey, that is what magic is for, right?
Oops, gotta go, my pumpkin juice is getting cold, and I don’t want to be late for my secret Dumbledore’s Army meeting! (Please don’t judge me.)

An Open Letter, y’all!

I’m not blogging about Lindsay Lohan’s weekend adventures because, frankly, I am a little bored with her antics, and I don’t want to encourage her. Also, according to Britney Spears, she is just going to keep making mistakes and there is nothing any well intentioned but scathingly sarcastic blog entries can do about it.

(The following excerpt has been whittled down from the original 878 words,

click here to read the whole thing.)

… I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing horrible things about me, but now I try to just be numb to what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really care what other people think or we wouldn’t be here.
Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don’t think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn’t know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost.
… Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me.
… It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people just say you are a “bitch.”
… I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me.
… I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want…and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am. It is so weird how stories are told. There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out. I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely. That’s God’s job. I can’t wait to meet him…or her.

Firstly, I love that Britney looks up to Tyra Banks. She finally gets to be someone’s role model! It’s like a dream come true for our lil TyTy! Secondly, Britney Spears is really wheedling her way into my heart here (I think it’s the line about unwittingly paying for bar tabs and dinners – I love that she is a little cheapskate, stars are just like us!) She just wants to be happy people. That is all any of us want.
All right Britney, we have an unofficial truce. But the second I catch a glimpse of your whoo-ha, it’s over, got it?

Farewell Rosie

Rosie O’Donnell won’t be returning to the View, effective immediately. Although she announced her resignation a while back, she was supposed to stick it out until June 20. Of course, this announcement comes just days after her most heated “debate” with Elisabeth Hasselbeck. I use quotes because it’s not a debate, so much as them screaming over each other, and looking really angry while not making a lot of sense. I’ve watched the clip twice and I still can’t quite figure out what arguments are being made on either side.

Anyway, I’m sorry to see Rosie go. Say what you will about her, but she certainly put the View back on the public radar, which is more than I can say for the one-woman snooze machine that is Meredith Vieira.

Watch your back, Meme Roth!

As a quick follow up to yesterday’s post about Jordin Sparks’s alleged obesity, here is the video segment featuring Meme Roth on Fox News, basically goading countless teenage girls into bulimia. Watching the clip actually made me want to punch this Roth woman in the face. Thank goodness they had Ramin there to tell her she is a crazy, hurtful, destructive bitch. Meme Roth, you are officially on my list!

Jordin Sparks is Perfectly Lovely

For someone who doesn’t watch American Idol, I sure do spend a lot of time blogging about it. I can’t help it if the show is imbedded in the American consciousness, and occasionally raises some interesting issues. Take, for instance, something I read this morning on idontlikeyouinthatway.com:

Meme Roth of National Action Against Obesity is going to be pissed today because she said Jordin Sparks is too obese to win American Idol. Roth says that Sparks, the 17 year old winner of this year’s American Idol and daughter of former NFL cornerback Phillippi Sparks, sends a bad message to a society in the midst of child obesity crisis.

“When I look at Jordin, what I see is heart disease, I see diabetes, I see high cholesterol.”

Ooooh, Meme Roth, don’t you even! I was just remarking last night how beautiful Jordin is, and how refreshing it will be to have a teenager in the spotlight who doesn’t look like a human Bratz doll. She is a tall girl, and I would say height/weight proportional. Not by any stretch of the imagination is she obese. Perhaps Meme should expand her efforts to include all manners of eating disorders, and concentrate on helping children and young adults gain a healthy body image, instead of condemning them for not all being built like waifs. And when she’s done there, she can kiss Tyra’s fat ass!

Jakey Takes a Nap

How come when Jake Gyllenhaal falls asleep on a train he looks like a peaceful little angel, and when I do it, my seatmate elbows me in the ribs to tell me to quit drooling on her neck pillow, and by the way, you spilled an entire glass of wine on yourself while you were passed out? Actually, don’t answer that. I know why. It’s because he’s so darn dreamy!

King of Pop, Rock, and Rubberheads

I found this article yesterday, on Radar, but it’s taken me this long to formulate a coherent thought on this little item.

Are you perplexed? This is a contract Michael Jackson drew up, that all the members of his creepily-named Rubberhead club had to sign, in order to join. All in all, it’s not anything overtly sexual, or damning (except for maybe the comment about having to be in bed alone by 3 am). It’s just weird as hell. Much like MJ himself. It just makes me think that he really does fancy himself the leader of the Lost Boys.
If you want to read something REALLY creepy, check out this little note from Michael, asking DeeDee (Tito’s now-deceased wife) to warn her three sons (Taj, TJ, and Taryll) about the dangers of being molested by a relative – “even [by] uncles or aunts.”

I just… don’t know what to say. I miss the old Michael Jackson.

The “Duh” Award of the Day Goes to…

CNN.com! Congrats! Their intrepid exposé of the seedy, aesthetically obsessed music industry has brought to light an issue that most people would never believe, if it weren’t for CNN’s daring report.

She was an “amazing talent,” a young singer with a wonderful voice who wrote beautiful songs. But she was no beauty, plus flat-chested and overweight to boot. Remembering the aspiring star, music executive Jody Gerson still feels terrible about thinking: “She’s never going to get signed, even though she’s fabulous.”
Gerson might feel even worse after Wednesday night’s exit of the matronly Melinda Doolittle from “American Idol.” In today’s music industry, Plain Janes need not apply. Sex appeal was once considered a bonus for a woman; now it’s practically a requirement.
Doolittle and the heavyset, gap-toothed LaKisha Jones were widely considered this season’s most talented “Idol” contestants. Yet both were eliminated from the final four in favor of Blake Lewis, who makes the teen girls swoon, and the long-locked, 17-year-old looker Jordin Sparks. (Watch “Idol” chatter: Shock at Doolittle’s dismissal )
…
The only two in the Top 40 who might not be considered perfect 10s: Pink, who is still svelte and appealing; and multiplatinum Grammy-winner Kelly Clarkson, who got her break only through winning the democratically elected “American Idol.”
When asked whether a female with so-so looks and sex appeal could get a record deal, Gretchen Wilson quickly replied: “They can’t.”

The article goes on and on, but you get the basic idea: You have to be pretty to make it in show business. Does the word “duh” mean anything to you, CNN? It has pretty much always been thus. Sure, there are historic exceptions (the article points out Barbara Streisand, but she was totally cute back in the day, so whatever), but the American public has always had a bias for pretty people.

Also, I would like to point out the contradiction in their argument, because I am nitpicky like that. They use American Idol rejects Melinda Doolittle (who was adorable, despite her resemblance to Shrek) and LaKisha Jones to make their point, and then later imply that Kelly Clarkson only became a multiplatinum Grammy winner because she was elected “democratically” on American Idol. Well, make up your mind! Is the American Idol fan base obsessed with appearance, or not?
Also, um, Pink looks like a dude.

Let’s Go to the Mall! Today!

It’s not Feel Good Friday yet, but I did just receive word (arguably for the second time) that How I Met Your Mother has been renewed for another season on CBS! If you’re not watching it, here is a little taste of the kind of brilliance you’re missing out on.

This video always makes me want to put on my cool graffiti coat and dance in the food court (but don’t forget the robot). And just FYI, the Glendale Galleria does not permit singing, dancing, photography, or any general merriment on their premises. You’ve been warned.

False alarm!

We can all relax now, Prince Harry isn’t going to Iraq after all! Don’t you feel relieved? I mean, wouldn’t it have been a disaster to send a young, healthy, patriotic adult to an almost certain death, fighting in a war that no one wants to be involved with anymore?

“There have been a number of specific threats, some reported and some not reported. These threats exposed him and those around him to a degree of risk I considered unacceptable,” he said.

An unacceptable degree of risk? Ya think? Isn’t that the whole point of war? Kill and be killed? I mean, tell me if I’m wrong, but I think the parents of all the soldiers killed so far would agree. Not that I think Prince Harry should go, I just think it’s a pretty obvious excuse. Anyone could have told you three months ago that Prince Harry was not going to Iraq.
I was going to go into a tirade, but this is not really supposed to be a political blog. I’ll go find a picture of Lindsay Lohan’s latest nipple slip, and post it, just to even things out a bit.