Category Archives: Real American Heroes

Have You Seen His Childhood?

Say what you will about Michael Jackson, but if this article doesn’t make your heart ache for him, you probably have no soul.

He has even begun to regret having plastic surgery and spends much of his time staring at his reflection in the mirror.

‘I don’t know what I was thinking back then,’ he recently said. ‘Everyone makes mistakes when they’re young, I guess. But I still look OK, don’t I? I mean, for 40?’

When reminded that, in fact, he was about to turn 50, Jackson gave a sad, half smile.

‘It all went by so fast, didn’t it? I wish I could do it all over again, I really do.’

But for Michael Jackson, it seems, the time for a comeback has passed. ‘I’m tired,’ he said last week. ‘I’ve got nothing left to give. I just want to be left alone. Is that so bad?’

As if that isn’t bad enough, they’ve got a digital age-progression photo of how Michael may have looked, had he never undergone the knife.

Kind of normal and attractive, no? I weep for all the things that could have been.

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Crying on the inside…

Okay fine, and also maybe a little on the outside. Estelle Getty died this morning, at age 84. I kind of thought she was in her 80s back in the 1980s, so I was a little surprised that she’d held out this long. That doesn’t make it any less sad though, so I leave you with a tribute to the genius of Sofia Petrillo. May she rest in peace.

Don’t Be Dead, Dude!

The comedian/actor George Carlin has died of heart failure, at the age of 71. Bogus.

Of course, most people remember him for his notorious “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television,” but in my mind he will always be “Rufus,” the kindly future dude who helped two lovable airheads pass history class, thus setting them up to rule the world.

RIP Rufus. Rock in Peace.

I don’t like you in that way either!

The following item appeared on idontlikeyouinthatway.com this morning, ushering in a new era of me not reading that site anymore.

“Sex and the City was a groundbreaking show that ushered in a new era of female empowerment. The characters and he [sic] stars who played them are feminist heroes, who prove that a woman’s merit should not be based on her looks alone. Oh, wait. Scratch that. Page Six reports:

‘Maybe seeing themselves on the big screen was too much to take for “Sex and the City” stars Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis. Apparently, soon after the movie’s release, they both paid a visit to Roosevelt Hospital on 10th Avenue for minor surgeries. “Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed,” said an insider. “They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week.” It could explain why Davis always wears long hems. Nixon, whose rep denied the surgery, could have been disappointed with her topless scene. Davis’ rep had no comment.”‘
Wow, nothing says confident feminist icon like sneaking into a doctor’s office and secretly getting plastic surgery. Granted, all these chicks are hags, so why not Sarah Jessica Parker? The legend says our primitive tools and surgical techniques are no match for her sinister demonry. Run for your life!!”

No, you know what, this is some kind of bullshit. This article was obviously written by a dude who is looking for an excuse to harpoon these “hags”, because why? Chicks would rather sit in a theater and watch them for two hours, instead of reading the misogynist babble he puts on his website? Age old male response: attack what threatens you.

Sex and the City has been hailed as groundbreaking and iconic, but it was really just a TV show that women watched because it was involving and entertaining. And yes, even relatable. Does that mean that the stars of that show are somehow required to be saints of the feminist movement?

Furthermore, why can’t feminists get cosmetic procedures if they want to? Isn’t the whole point of empowerment being able to make those kinds of decisions for oneself, without having to please other people (read: bloggers)? If Kristin Davis wants to get the varicose veins on her legs removed, so be it! Cynthia Nixon wants bigger boobs, more power to her and her lady lover! The whole point of the episode (and possibly the entire series) where Samantha gets her chemical peel is that woman should be empowered to do whatever they feel necessary to make them confident in who they are — be it ending a bad relationship, getting fertility treatments, or even buying a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. Not everyone has to agree with cosmetic surgery, but then again, not everyone has to get plastic surgery. My body, my choice.

Also, just to put things in perspective, these are the women that blogger called “hags”:

Tuesday! Super!

If you live in one of the 22 states that are having Primary Elections today, then… Super! I encourage you to vote early, and vote often. And just in case you’re torn between all the edgy and history-making choices available to you today, here is a helpful little video.

Between that and the Indian Gaming propositions, it’s no wonder I am usually too lazy to voice an opinion.

Your Thanksgiving of Repose

Gentle readers, the time for giving thanks for a bountiful harvest has finally arrived. Of course, the crop I am referring to is not agricultural, but rather cinematical. Now that summer is over, and autumn’s “movie dead zone” has passed, we can finally start with the Oscar contenders — the “real” movies, if you will. If you find the energy to pry yourself off the couch this long weekend, might I suggest taking in a flicker?

Opening today is August Rush, which is basically like “Field of Dreams” — if he plays it, they will come. Only instead of baseball, it’s music. And no one is dead (that I know of). And instead of Kevin Costner, it’s Freddie Highmore…. Okay so it’s nothing like Field of Dreams.

Of course, I understand that leaving the house on Thursday is generally not advisable, unless you’re willing to sit in traffic for three hours just to get to your local cinema. In this case, might I suggest the Sundance Channel’s series, Iconoclasts, for your viewing pleasure? This week features Iron Chef John Besh, and Jazz Legend Wynton Marsalis, as they wreck havoc on New Orleans.

Happy Thanksgiving, see you next week!

WTF Animal Rescue?!

You wanna know the quickest way to get on America’s shit list? Make Ellen cry.

Seriously, wtf? Isn’t the point of the animal rescue organizations to place animals in happy homes? Even if they were upset that Ellen didn’t go through proper channels, couldn’t they just make the new family fill out the paperwork, and let them adopt the poor little puppy?
Once I adopted a cat from the Pasadena Humane Society, and about a year and a half later I found her a better home. I had signed a similar contract, promising I would give the cat back to the pound if I couldn’t keep her, but I figured what the ASPCA didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. When they found out, they called me to make sure I had really consented to give the cat away, updated their records to reflect the change in ownership, and called it a day. No muss, no fuss.
So, Nameless Animal Rescue Society, grow a heart, give the puppy back, and apologize to Ellen before I give YOU something to cry about! No one messes with my girl E and gets away with it!