Strange Things Are Afoot at The Circle K

It’s been eight years since I graduated high school. That may not seem like a very long time to some people, but apparently, it’s long enough for there to have been a cultural revolution, the likes of which this country has never seen before.
I am not talking about school shootings, or illiteracy rates, or any of that nonsense. No, what I am talking about has the power to shake the earth to its core, upsetting the balance of power that governs our country, and the global community as a whole. Friends, I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but the Nerds have finally exacted their Revenge. Yes, Robert Carradine tried to warn you in 1984 (and in 1987 , and 1992 , and 1994 ), but you didn’t listen. Now we will all pay the price.
I went to see Islands at the Henry Fonda Theater on Friday, and was unendingly disturbed by what I found there. Not the band, they were awesome. Rather, it was the crowd that I found so disconcerting. You know you’re heading for trouble when you need a wristband to buy a drink – all ages shows always make me feel a little old and stodgy. The crowd was comprised almost entirely of kids who looked like they might have to be home before the streetlights come on. In fact, one kid who honestly looked about 9, was there with his mom. But that seemed almost normal when I started to look around the room.
The girls all seemed pretty hip, to use a word that will completely alienate me from said hipsters. They were all pretty, appropriately punked-out, for such an occasion, and seemed like the kind of girl who you would want to just cram their lollipop down their throat if you had to sit behind them in home room. The guys on the other hand… well, I’ll let this picture speak their thousand words.

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The oddity is not that these two classes were existing peacefully next to one another. No. They were mingling. They were touching. Dare I say it, they were flirting. I actually saw the guy pictured left, touch one of the hot girls (we’ll call her Ashley) on the waist, as he whispered into her ear.
I know, I know, it makes your head spin. Maybe these guys finally figured out how to make their home computer bring their Lisa doll to life. Except they make Anthony Michael Hall look like Wilmer Valderrama, with fewer STDs.
I don’t know how it happened, but mark my words. The Revolution has begun. The future is Nerds.


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