Rocky Roadface

I am so sorry to interrupt my nonstop Twelve Days of Christmas coverage, but am I the only one who has been wondering what meant grinder ran over Sylvester Stallone’s face recently? I mean, the man seriously looks like a he was attacked by a new strain of botox wielding killer bees. I was willing to write it off as unfortunate, Tara Reid-style trauma-inducing plastic surgery, but now I have a better explanation: Genetics.

Yes, that is Sly’s mom, Jackie. It all makes so much sense now. I don’t know about you, but I feel better… or I would, if I wasn’t haunted by the inexplicable resemblance to Marie Osmond.

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